WORDS Matter

Ten essential habits to form a healthy and holy life.

How can we preach a gospel of peace, yet still find our bodies wracked by anxiety? How do we call our bodies temples of the Holy Spirit, yet regard eating, exercise, or sleep as inherently "unspiritual" activities? How is it that modern Christians who claim God made their bodies have come to care so little about them?

The Body Teaches the Soul is a practical guide to the union of body and spirit in our overall health. Join me in:

Connecting deeply and positive with your body as the image of God while avoiding the mistakes of ignoring or idolizing your body
Exploring how daily patterns of healthy eating can be as spiritual as fasting and how rhythms of feasting can become guilt-free celebrations of the world God made
Discovering how to lament sickness and injury while still praying with hope for the miracle of healing

...and so much more. Let's rediscover the extraordinary gift of the body and the spiritual life that flows from it together.

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ABOUT

Justin Whitmel Earley is a lawyer, author and speaker from Richmond, Virginia.

He graduated from the University of Virginia with a degree in English Literature before spending four years in Shanghai, China, as a missionary. Justin got his law degree from the Georgetown University Law Center and he now runs his own law practice in Richmond at Avodah Legal.

His book, The Common Rule – Habits of Purpose for an Age of Distraction, was published with InterVarsity Press in 2019. He frequently speaks at businesses and legal events on habits, technology and mental health; and at churches and conferences on habits, spiritual formation and parenting.

His second book, Habits of the Household – Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms, released with Zondervan in 2021. His third book, Made for People - Why We Drift Into Loneliness and How to Fight for a Life of Friendship, was released in 2023.

Justin also writes fiction and poetry, and is probably most excited about his kids book that came out in 2025 – The Big Mess! Justin's latest book, The Body Teaches the Soul, was also released in 2025.

You can also find him over at Intentional Fatherhood, where he co-hosts a podcast and leads retreats.

He is married to Lauren and has four sons – Whit, Asher, Coulter and Shep.

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Justin Whitmel Earley helps companies navigate key legal moments, and generally serves as an outsourced in-house counsel to a number of growing and established business. If you're looking for help with issues such as the below, you can contact him and read more about his law practice here.

Incorporation
Choice of entity
Venture capital
Partnership and LLC Agreements
Nonprofit formation
Employment contracts
Joint Ventures
Stock sales
Asset sales
Mergers and acquisitions
Partnership disputes, valuations and buy-outs

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An idea for your back to school mornings.

Whole prayer in the comments ⬇️
From chapter 10 of Habits of the Household

Man I let one of our younger ones have it last night! Complete with a “You never listen” and “if you would just obey…” I even threw a pair of sunglasses at the wall. Today I’m flying to Oregon to record season 4 of the @intentionalfatherhood_ Podcast, the irony of sin following me like a shadow. (Perhaps fittingly we’re recording a season on the 7 deadly sins.) I don’t think I’m worried whether my boys know I love them. Just worried which ways they’ll become me. Which ways they’ll navigate my pitfalls. The funny thing is I’m not even sure I was wrong. Sometimes stern authority shakes them out of their stupor. We all need someone to tell us when we’re out of line. A wall to hit our heads against and turn around. But then again pretty sure I didn’t need to throw sunglasses. That’s the last he’ll get from me until I get back from Oregon in 5 days. So you sit in a plane hoping the memories of last week’s Colorado vacation or the last game of catch or the last morning reading together or the last tickle fight somehow sinks in deeper than the last blowup. I guess you can try for all the core memories you want but I’m always wondering what it feels like to live with me on a normal day and that’s plenty of fodder for repentance right there. (Confession point of the service is always a bit too short for my liking.) There’s a real sense I’m doing by best. I think there’s even a real sense I’m doing great. But there’s also a real sense that I’m messed up. And a real sense I’m a phony. And that makes me so so glad that the realest sense of all is that God is actually good and he’s got the card of grace up his sleeve and he’s even willing to play it for a spoiled child like me. What is so good about grace, after all, if you don’t get that you’re really broken? What is a stubborn child, after all, if not you? And what is parenting, after all, except the stage where all our best and all our worst unfold right there for the ones we love most to see. If that stage is a play for how well you’re doing… well God have mercy on you. But if it’s a stage for how big God’s grace is, now we’re getting somewhere. Look up. It’s a better view than the mirror.

Life’s too short to drink bad coffee. Also, I finally got inspired by @pullandpourcoffee doing this and had to try… (Also, feat. @intentionalfatherhood_ mug)

I don’t care who you are, you should think about this: Knowing when to say what you mean and when to be quiet may be the most important thing in the world. “It’s like we’re in a Wes Anderson film where everyone just says what they’re thinking.” That’s what one of my friends from college said once, though I can’t remember why. I just know that’s half the reason I like his films too. Somewhere in the early years of fatherhood it dawned on me that to say what you mean to your family had more spiritual power than I could have imagined. This is (in part) why I started to get so into bedtime blessings (the other part is I just needed some rhythm to smooth the chaos). There is a unique sadness to a father who withholds his words. It’s far too common. I part don’t blame them, saying what you mean is harder than you think, we spend at least half our lives saying things we didn’t mean. But here is why it’s worth practicing blessings: You kids need to hear you love them. Your wife needs to hear you’re crazy about her. Your friends should know that you’re committed to them. Your co-workers should hear that you think they did a good job. This is all power of words stuff. Like when God made the world just by talking, and then gave man and woman the power to name the world. We can organize reality by SPEAKING. Crazy. This is why I post so many ideas for bedtime blessings. You don’t always need your own words, you just need to practice speaking words of love and commitment over your family and friends. Learn to give a toast for heaven’s sake. The other half is of course, knowing when to be quiet. We’re obsessed with authenticity. But the problem is lots of that just means talking constantly about the things you don’t like which is also known as complaining and it’s actually better if you’d just not talk. I’m spending most of my life trying to learn the difference. But taking the Bible seriously on language helps. Controversial: but I think some curse words often help us say what you mean. I wish the church took not gossiping and not complaining as seriously as some do not saying hell. I also recommend taking blessing even more seriously than that. It’s a good start at least.

I’m bullish on biology. To be clear I hate gambling apps (may God call down fire and lay them to waste), but my bet is on the glorious human body. I think writing The Body Teaches the Soul during the rise of AI was the most gracious thing the Lord could have given me. In the past few years, working on that book made me realize how deeply our Gnosticism runs. One of the things Modern Gnosticism lets us do is imagine disembodied futures: Humans without genders. Minds in AI clouds. Tech bros who hack health to eternal life. What these fever dreams all have in common is gaping hole shaped exactly like a human body. I’m telling you, a good theology of the body will calm you down these days! Biology is like one of those t-ball trainer sets with a string. You can whack it as hard as you want, but the body comes roaring back every time. We are tethered to biology. But really that is still only half the truth. Yes, bodies are anchors, they keep us tethered to the world of limitations, reminding us that we are CREATURES, not THE CREATOR. That’s why one bends the knee to the other. BUT the other half is that bodies are glorious gifts. Everyone wants one. The demons desperately wish they did. And Jesus, the God of the universe, still now at this moment indwells a human body. And this changes everything. Are you worried about AI taking your job? Let me tell you some good news: Talk like a human and you’ll be aright. The human spirit adapts. But no one wants AI slop. If Zuckerburg is betting on the Metaverse I’m laughing my way all the way to the biological bank. PEOPLE WANT BODIES. Real ones. At the end of the day when the t-ball line stretches to the max, everyone wants the God-like glory of a human voice whispering in your ear, the majesty of skin next to you on the couch, the miracle beyond miracles of a song sung in person, the snowflake splendor of an actual human being’s writing. AI is like prescription drugs, use the healthy dose lest it be your abolition of man. But my bet’s on biology. Which is another way of saying my hope is in the Lord, and how he made us. So go practice the guitar, hug the body of someone you love, and write a post with a typo It’s glorious.

Who wants to hang out with us? Limited spots so RSVP now! https://www.intentionalfatherhood.org/intheroom

When I was 22 in Shanghai I mostly wrote poetry. I still do. 2 years ago, I published this one but didn’t tell anyone. Not sure why:

“Pinpointing the Moment of Conversion”

Last night, wrestling the loaded spring of his small body, I had him pinned against the pillows when I first saw contentment & defeat in the same eye. A glimpse of something under the waters that sank back into his squirming body, & a thought came to mind—“This is the life I was looking for.” Here is what I mean:

I once listened to Li Young Li talk about how he saw poems everywhere. On the peeling ceilings of a waiting room, shaking trees off the interstate shoulder, the thighs of a girl in the moonlit yard. I marveled like a child at the thought of his life filled with such peaches.

Some decades later, at a lunch in Nashville, Paul told me of the moment the Columbia River was re-carved. Something about a glacial plug in Montana & hundreds of cubic miles of water reaching the Pacific coast within 24 hours. That night I laid awake trying to fathom centuries of life about to pour forth, and what the weight of all that water must have felt like up on the Missoula plains.

I am familiar with constant longing. Always known something fundamental is missing. Most of my life I’ve found solutions. The pressure of a new speech. Brush of her bangs. Ash & fire of an evening. Tomorrow’s trip. A bottle of bourbon. Small glacial plugs.

But having pinned that spring of his body. Having seen the contentment of defeat. The enormous smallness of our life in this house rushed forth & I saw at once that happiness was a fight against someone who is bigger than you & stronger than you, but who loves you.

Within 24 hours the soft rock of my heart had been rammed through. When I looked up, I saw a strange fruit hanging from the foyer light. Picking it, I smelled something tangy & rich. Suddenly, they were everywhere. “Li, you dog…” I laughed. That night my pen ran feverishly over my notebooks,

my heart beating the basso boom of water echoing off newly carved canyon walls, as I wondered how else we might be living in the moment just before the moment that changes everything.

There I said it. At least it’s out in the open now. I won’t be taking questions. Please give my family privacy at this time.

The world is not safe. But believe it or not God picked you, parent, to be the primary one to care for and protect your child. We cannot and should not be everywhere at all times to do this. But one of the things we can do in small and normal ways is always be preparing our children to face the evils of this world. One of the most small and most mighty ways to do this is to make conversation about inappropriate touching normal. They need to know it’s not OK, that they need to say no, that they need to run away, that they need to tell the first adult and that they ultimately need to tell you. More than all that they need to know that you’ll love and help them not shame or punish them. My advice is not to think or worry about protecting your kids from everything in this world. You simply can’t. You’ll likely hurt them more by trying. But you can make some really important things really normal. This is one of them. Take heart, take action, and have peace. God bless.

Last Saturday we inaugurated the boys into a great tradition. The habit of habits. It was Saturday morning, and I told them grab 2 or 3 books, WE’RE GOING TO A COFFEE SHOP TO READ. Hearing groans I sweetened the deal: You can get any pastry you like! They were in. For our first time as a family, we sat and just read for an hour in the quiet morning of a Richmond coffee shop. It was GLORIOUS to share the tradition. (Hear me now: these are “boy” boys who like to fight & wrestle & talk bathroom stuff. We did not get here without years of training.) I had the novel Cloud Cuckoo Land, Lauren had That Hideous Strength, the boys had Enders Game, the Odyssey & Iliad (comic versions) and some Dog Mans. I write about habits a lot, but I really should write more about the habit of habits. For the past year Lauren & I have really started to try to create a family culture of reading. You don’t stumble into that. It’s a vertical climb. But books have made us. They have been our romance. (We fell in love in a Shakespeare class for heaven’s sake.) They have been our job, our faith, our hobby, our joy. They’re basically all we use to decorate. Bags on trips and piles on desks because, I don’t know, they comfort you. Reading is how you talk to dead people, fight the screen, carry traditions, train your mind, contextualize your problems, hear from God... What more could we want to pass to our kids!? It’s the habit of habits because books will always change you from the inside out. Here’s how: Most nights Lauren reads to them in the evening. (Also scratches their backs, again, you have to sweeten the deal…) We read the Bible and require they do. Our library spills into every room of the house. We encourage Yotos & audiobooks. You make up rules: like last night we announced everyone had to be on the couch on the porch for an hour with a book. Over the top? Maybe. But no one was ever worse off by reading more. We’d all be kings and queens if we traded our evening scroll for evening pages. The great thing about reading is you can start anywhere. The bad thing is you’re never done, there’s always another classic. But that’s ok there’s the Kingdom for that. Oh there WILL BE libraries…

So there’s some wild stuff floating around about bodies and health these days. But what’s even more wild is that the Body Teaches the Soul has been sitting at number 1 in holistic health because of you all. If you look at all the other books in that category, a lot of the top 15 have “code” in the name. There’s a generational feeling of some new secret or hack or method or SOMETHING that will finally get you right. Well here’s the thing: there’s not a damn thing in The Body Teaches the Soul that’s new. (Emphasis intended.) It’s just a look back at how God made us to live embodied, how our limits matter, and how living according the Biblical way he made you TURNS OUT IS GOOD FOR YOU. I’m used to being shoved in categories with self-help nonsense. But this is honestly an honor. First, because it means YOU ALL are reading. And I’m getting your messages. How you’ve picked it up because of your mental health issues or something else and it’s helping you sort through it all. These messages mean THE WORLD to me. But I’m also grateful that I get to be a part of Biblical wisdom on the body being pushed out there to others. What a grace. Praise God. Keep fighting the good fight all of you. God sent the body of his Son so yours would be raised to new life. In the meantime, honor God with your body. Signing off.

So here’s what happened: You really have to be careful who you share a cold plunge with. The thing I like about Brook is that he tells inappropriate jokes and also always wants to pray with you. That’s a double for me. He’s west coast, so naturally I don’t ENTIRELY understand him but you know someone’s solid when you get to watch their family for a little while and you realize they don’t just love each other, they LIKE each other and also laugh a lot together and have deep conversations on car rides. So I trusted Brook from the moment I met him at a conference in Nashville and the tattoos and gold chains were icing on the cake. After the cold plunge thing we naturally said stuff like “we should really be friends” and that could have been that but he called me a month later and said “do you want to start a podcast on fatherhood” and I said “here’s the thing! So many Moms read books and gosh I love it but dads tend to listen, and MAN DO I WANT TO TALK TO THE DADS and I think I’m decent at talking BUT I’m a full-time lawyer… can’t do all the stuff about the equipment and downloads” but he listened patiently said he had a “team.” Boy did he have a team! Turns out those blessed people at Intentional know EXACTLY what they’re doing. I flew to Oregon and we prayed on our knees in a cabin and then hit record and that’s the kind of thing the Lord does. All I’ve done is blabber on about stuff I like to talk about and 18 months later I’ve got a new friend named Brook, guys emailing and messaging left and right saying God is working in their life, AND an incredible new conference that we’re gonna pour some gasoline on. Well that and a whole lot more thankfulness for God who makes incredible people like Brook & the Intentional ministry. We just finished our Season 3 on Work / Vocation as a father and I couldn’t be more proud of the content. Gosh I love talking about work and family, and it’s like a whole book sitting there for free on Spotify. We’re gonna keep praying and telling inappropriate jokes and hitting record and being friends and the conference in Austin this November is going to be a banger. Sometimes it’s good to recount the stories of what God does. That’s all.

Some things are almost too simple to be true. Grace is one of them.

Lauren and I have always said we wanted to live an epic romance. (We don’t know what that means either.) It’s easy when you meet in college and move to China and live for years without kids but harder when you slide into the gravity of your thirties where life is the four boys and a job. One time in a pool hall a dad told me I was in the “pedaling years.” Never forgot that. Another thing I never forgot is a Richard Linklater movie where Ethan Hawke tells a woman he’s about to have an affair with: “I feel like I’m running a day care with someone I used to date.” Been running from that since! Most of life is spent sliding accidentally into the gravity of normal. Extraordinary lives are a climb against it. But climbing is still ordinary motion. We’re 41 now. At my office we call her “The Queen” because you have to get ready if she’s gonna show up and whatever she says goes. (I suppose I like the correlation too.) I also know that whatever great heights we’ve climbed to we’ve climbed with ordinary stuff. You do the dishes and bedtimes. You send a smiley face emoji even when you’re not. You tell the kids go upstairs I’m spending time with your mom and give them the business if they don’t because if marriage isn’t happy then no one is. You ask her questions and she asks you back & you never stop dreaming because if you do the gravity kicks in. Probably the most wild normal thing is apologizing. If you can’t REALLY fight you can’t be epic. But when apologizing is normal you’re cooking. If there was a secret to marriage someone would have told you by now. But the date nights haven’t hurt either. Once a week I try to show the boys that when it comes down to it I’d pick her over them ANY DAY and we leave the house and go to the bar down the street or sometimes just sit on the porch but either way we pretend like we’re dating again and the great thing about pretending is not only that you can start to convince yourself but the other great thing is that pretending is how fairy tales work and they usually end in happily ever after so my advice is the times that you don’t feel like you’re in love pretend you’re in love until you are again and keep climbing. It’s epic.

I think we think a lot about protecting kids bodies but not enough about teaching them why God gave us bodies. But if we don’t, the world would be glad to tell them all kinds of things about their bodies. Lots of them are insane. Most of them are about how we look, not what we’re for. It’s leaves us in a world of body image. But we were made to IMAGE GOD. That’s about how we use our bodies, not how they look. If you’re raising young kids, leave them some clues. Give them blessings like this. My kids love it. Embodied stuff is fun for them. And almost accidentally, they end up memorizing theological truths about why God made us with bodies. Remember, God made us with bodies, redeemed us by the body of his son, and will resurrect us to new bodies. God loves bodies. Physicality is not plan B. Don’t try to be more spiritual than God. Habits of the Household 📖 helps bring rhythms into the ordinary life of kids, The Body Teaches the Soul 📖 is about bringing spiritual rhythms into the life of physicality. They meet here in this blessing. What a gift that we get to parent embodied souls called children. Hope this helps you. God Bless! @intentionalfatherhood_

We had to blow something up! I think I got all my cynicism about America out in my 20’s. As one does. Maybe as one ought. But as of today… I’m not just thankful for America. I just plain like it too. I lived for years in China. I’ve studied and worked in American law for coming up on 15 years. I’m busy trying to turn boys into men. And I could not be more grateful to be doing it as a citizen of the USA. I’m having a blast. Everyone either wants to actually be American or constantly talk about what they hate about Americans. That’s when you know you got something going on! America is controlling the conversation. We’re sustaining something that has never been sustained for this long in this way. Rule of law. Peaceful transition of power. Consistent prosperity. Religious freedom. Annnnnd by the way for all y’all still in your 20’s phase, America is also showcasing how to improve, repent, change… “But we’ve got our problems…” OF COURSE WE DO! I love America like I love my family and the Church. Not just in spite of the problems but kind of because of them. They’re OUR problems. The ones I get to work on. That’s my task, and yours, as children of America. Leave it better than we found it. That turns me on. Rev the engines and light some fireworks. Write an essay or start trade school. Join a church or launch a company or start a nonprofit. This is America! I’ve never wondered for a second whether I’m a citizen of heaven first. Thats precisely what frees me up to have hope for America. Today I have lots of it. 🇺🇸 Happy birthday US of A you old dog. 🇺🇸 You deserve it. God bless you.

One time I threw my kids a birthday party – well actually it was my birthday – but all the same I threw a party because we’re a family and that’s what you ought to do… But you know how kids are. They all groaned about the time and the details and the travel. They all came of course but they made clear they wanted “boundaries” and not to talk about certain subjects (funny, by not wanting to talk about them they each brought them up.) Gotta love these kids. You know, it’s like Thanksgiving where everyone has grievance fights about something abstract. It reminded me about something I read where it’s easy to love your neighbor in the abstract it’s just hard to love the person beside you in the pew. But I’m not complaining. Families are where we all get packed together and learn to love each other mostly by failing to do so. So, it was totally that kind of party. Someone made me a cake and set some sparklers off and stuff, then some complained that cakes were unhealthy and there was too much smoke in the room. But I’ll admit they tried. I’m just happy to have them all together. Then we had some drinks and they talked about how we should or shouldn’t invite the neighbors, and debated how we treat the neighbors which is funny because they don’t even know my neighbors. (I’ll be bringing them some cake after the kids leave, as is my tradition.) We finished the night with them complaining that I haven’t done some of the renovations I’ve talked about and each of them wants to do it their way. I absolutely love it! Lots of debate. Most aren’t bad ideas at core, but they lack execution and there’s no way we could stitch them all together which of course means we’ll mostly keep it how we’ve kept it which is fine because the great part about these parties (that the kids NEVER notice) is that the power is always on, the water runs, I pay for their gas and there’s always a feast. Gotta love it. Anyway, they’ll grow up, it just takes a while. And they don’t say it, but they know they can come when they’re struggling. They do actually. So do the neighbors. Honestly the memories are pretty good and I’ll be here next year for my 251st.

I regret making that bomb in the woods as a teenager. All we wanted was the fun of seeing things blown up, but I cringe at flirting so unknowingly with the line between fun and tragedy. When I was in college, I used to say I didn’t believe in regret. But I also used to say I didn’t believe in sleep. That didn’t end very well. I do regret things now. I regret not being able to save Mary Catherine, when my friend Dustin broke an overhead lamp in a pillow fight and it came falling in huge glass shards. I covered my own head instead of my younger sister who was looking up at it innocently like she was stargazing. I walked her bleeding to my mother, badly in need of stitches. I regret trying to push Matt out of our group’s friendships in high school, that didn’t go well. He became our best friend anyway. So we both won which I guess means grace won. I don’t regret that. I do regret things that I wouldn’t write about on the internet. The dark confessions that spot life like coffee spilled on old photographs. The things on the backs of my eyelids I will never undo. It’s notable the things I DON’T regret. I don’t regret the many mistakes I’ve made with my wife and children - even my outbursts of anger or the boundaries I’ve crossed with work that led for a season led me to drinking and coping just to sleep. I’m sad about those things. I mourn them. Yet I see the Lord’s story there. I don’t know why, on the continental divide of a life, some things break towards regret and some towards sadness and some towards confidence that God cares. But when I summit that mountain of the present to examine the past from such great heights, the easiest thing to see is the sunrise. The blinding light of being alive today to debate this topic. Which beings my attention to the quiet miracle of oxygen in my neck this very instant. The silent, biological mandate to consider that His Mercies are New Every Morning. *Checks pulse* Still alive. I think I am at my best when the pumping of my blood rhymes with Great is Thy Faithfulness. I think, “I’m going to give them the biggest hug when they wake up...” It’s on the to do list. The only thing to regret today is not giving that hug. We’ll see…

If discipline isn’t the hardest thing in your life with young kids then I can’t relate. This is where all my anger issues come out. This is where I realize I’m more like a child than a father. This is where I realize God is parenting me even though I thought I was parenting children. This is where I feel most like a failure. That’s how you know it’s the place God is working. Where your failure begins, God’s grace starts being visible. So yes, discipline is the hardest thing. But it can be the place God is working the most. Because it’s the realm of instinct, what has helped me so much is fighting habit with habit. You can’t think your way out of a problem you didn’t think your way into. You practiced your way to snapping at them and saying all the dumb things we say, SO YOU NEED TO PRACTICE YOUR WAY OUT. These are the couple habits that have helped me the most. It’s not that it’s all easy now, but I do at least feel like the Lord is working. This is not written by AI. I don’t have a manual to send you if you DM me. But God bless you for being a parent. It’s holy.

I don’t know what I’m doing. OK, that’s not entirely true. But it’s been true a lot. Weirdly God has seemed to do the most when I’ve been most confused. I find a sign of being on the right path is that you have imposter syndrome, wondering how you got on this path and why know one’s kicking you out for fumbling around so much. In 2020 I sat down to write about how God parents us as we parent our kids. That’s right. I decided to write about parenting when I knew NOTHING about parenting. I had four boys between 7, 5, 3 & 1. Our home was absolute chaos. (Spoiler alert: still is, but it’s awesome.) I had been reading about how the home could be a sacred monastery, a place of mission & discipleship. That was appealing to a former missionary like me who had become a corporate lawyer and yearned for something to feel more sacred. So, each morning, before I opened my law emails, I would sit at my desk and write for an hour. About what I was reading or trying with the boys, about how much I was fumbling around. I CANNOT EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW GUILTY I FELT! This was the pandemic! I had just started my own law practice. Every Single Morning I remember thinking, “this is stupid and a waste of time. I should be trying to make money.” There was a war in my head. I specifically remember saying: “Man, this feels like spiritual warfare! Why is it this so hard to write!?” Because God is good and his grace abounds, I kept at it. No breakthrough. Just sat down again each day. In 2021, Habits of the Household was published. Yesterday I got a little glass thing in the mail. Apparently, it just sold it’s 500,000th copy. Can you even count the number of children that’s impacted!? Wow God is merciful. I opened it at my desk where my law firm @avodahlegalpllc has now grown to 20 people and counting. Wow God is wild! And yet, this morning, as I write, I’m still thinking: “Should I be doing this right now?” I should be getting to something else… I think in a broken world being faithful often feels like you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s faith, not sight. It’s doing something worth doing even when you do it badly. Grace is what makes good endings of it. Like 500,000. Wow God is good.

Questions below ⬇️ If you don’t have friends that know everything about you you need to stop what you’re doing right now and go spend everything to find it. Even if it’s not working, you die trying like Jesus did. Because the Christian life is by definition the communal life. For us, it’s not that we get a lot of time together in this phase of life, but when we do all is laid bare. For a few years running we meet at a lake. Friday night we eat and laugh. Saturday morning after breakfast we sit down and don’t move until everyone has answered these questions. Everyone gets however long they need. 15 minutes? 30 minutes? Whatever. We stay sitting for hours until everyone is done. It was 4.5 hours this year. You get prayed for after you share. The questions aren’t magic. But they help. Friendship is like a kind of magic though. Because when you find people who know you completely but love you anyway, you’ve found the gospel in action. Jesus knows us fully and loves us anyway. Covenant friends are a mere reflection of that. But one we desperately need.

Questions:

1. What are you most proud of in life right now? What joys do you want us to share?

2. What part of life brings you sadness or shame? Anything you need to confess?

3. How do you think your kids perceive you, and are you happy with that?

4. How would your wife describe the season you’re in right now?

5. In terms of your walk with Jesus, what is your current greatest strength and weakness?

6. What is one thing (big or small) you wish you were doing that you are not?

I need to repent. I had a close friend tell me yesterday that he was worried my social media feed made me look perfect. That was concerning to me. First order of business: IT’S NOT. But I think you already know that? I fight with my wife. I yell at my kids. I struggle with coping. I work too much. I’m selfish. Worse, vain. All this is true. If you read my books, you know I speak from this perspective of struggle. I’m not a pastor or an expert in anything (except maybe corporate law, I’m good at that). Which means I write from ordinary life. All I have to share is what I’ve failed at, and then what God in his infinite grace has taught me. I’ve had serious mental health collapses, then been redeemed to health. I overextend, then get redeemed to boundaries. I get SO angry at friends and family! Yet God softens me. I post that stuff in reels on social media because I hope it’s helpful. But fair enough, if you just look at pictures, you might get a different read. That it’s easy for me. I want to repent of that. I don’t want to present a picture other than what is true: I am broken, but God is good! And part of him being good is that he’s given me a WONDERFUL wife and four incredible sons and a life where I get to be a lawyer and write about stuff. I’m just beyond grateful for that. I’ll continue to post about high points, but I’m going to write longer posts like this too. I’d much rather be vulnerable in long-form books and in person talks than on social media. I worry about vulnerability on social media. If I just post struggles here, it would scratch the vulnerability itch without actually confessing to friends. So I’m not gonna do that. But here’s one thing I want you to know: I have actual friends. Who know me completely. I have no secrets. This weekend I was away at a lake with friends where we talked about real stuff. For hours. One of them told me to be careful on social media. I’m so glad he told me that. Now I can repent of it. You probably need friends like that too. If you don’t have somebody you tell everything to, drop everything now and go find one. Only when all of life is repentance can all of life be grace too.

Don’t know why Amazon sells them this cheap but it’s your lucky day!

I stand on the shoulders of giants. And amongst them. I love that I get to write about parenting and do stuff like the @intentionalfatherhood_ podcast. But no one can father alone. I’m so grateful for my dad. Whenever I share my testimony, it begins with “I grew up in an incredible family with a Dad who loved me and loved Jesus.” These brothers in this picture all continue that legacy. I’m so grateful for them too. My boys have so many great father figures, some they call dad, others they call uncle, and one they call “Papa Boss.” Happy Father’s Day to all of you, men. It’s a once in a generation opportunity that we get to do this together.

In honor of Father’s Day: my top 5 pieces of habit advice for fathers who want to lead intentionally….

1 Scripture Before Phone - You need to serve before you lead. Joshua 24:15 is an amazing idea. It assumes your household will serve someone or something, but Joshua says as for me and my house, we’ll serve the Lord. If you’re not bowing down to Jesus, you probably are to work or your phone or some other addiction. Scripture before phone is the best habit I know of to put this idea into daily practice.

2 Workout Most Days - Your body matters to your parenting, your work, your everything. If you’re not disciplining it than odds are it’s mastering you. Usually “your god is your stomach,” as Paul says, unless you master it. How we eat and exercise has so much to do with how we work and serve and love. The Body Teaches the Soul is all about this, and that idea has become my mantra. So doesn’t matter what you do, but do something hard almost every day.

3 Find a Time Each Day to Pray on Your Knees - This is more body teaches the soul stuff. But there is something to submitting your whole self physically that reflects spiritually. (Chapter 9 for more on this.) But my short rhythm is a kneeling prayer beside the bed right after waking and right before sleeping. They are bookends to the day, setting a tone of worship and gratitude to the beginning and end.

4 Practice Covenant Friendship - You cannot serve God or your family the way you were made to if you’re doing it alone. This is true for everyone, but uniquely urgent for men. When men fail, so does the rest of society. And usually those failures happen to men who have somehow become isolated. Practice “showing up, speaking up, and coming back” in some rhythm with close covenant friends. “Covenant friends” are the people with whom you can be both vulnerable and committed. In other words, you tell the truth, and they stick around anyway. That’s the Gospel, that Jesus knows us fully and sticks around to love us anyway. We model the gospel when we do covenant friendship. An hour a week will do. Any format, bible study, accountability group, friends on the front porch. Make it a priority even in the times of life wher

Note for Fathers: Often the best way to protect your kids by talking to your kids.

If you buy both of these in the next two days and DM me I will literally send you a video that you can send to him telling him that I can’t wait to meet him at the conference... While supplies last... 😬 @intentionalfatherhood_

Top piece of habit advice for young parents. Pause prayers have helped me so much. Would love to hear ones you’ve tried in the comments…

Four Intentional Rhythms for BIG Family Getaways
1. Couples Hotseat
Each night one couple makes dinner for everybody else. At dinner that couple is on the hot seat and everyone gets to ask them questions about their year.

2. Morning Watch
Around 9 each morning after feeding all the little kids breakfast, adults (and kids if they want to join) got together for a 15 min devotion. Most mornings read one Psalm, sang one song, and shared some prayer requests. About 10 maybe 15 minutes, and then we head out to the beach. If you’re the matriarch or patriarch of a family, you can play a great role by suggesting everyone do this.

3. One on One Outings with Littles
Take a little one (or two) out for a one on one ice cream or donut and just enjoy the time. Maybe ask them some questions about their favorite thing in life. Great for age 3–8. Just logs good memories with them. Works for one on one trips or pairs of littles.

4. Men’s Night / Girl’s Night
We always do one night where the girls hang out and one where the guys hang out. Most nights we all hang out together, but it’s good to give everyone some intentional talking time in a different setting.

Just a few small ways to try to make friends out of family. God bless any of your summer vacations!

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